My last entry was written in a totally funky obligatory mood. That’s okay. This is a diary, right? Just because I have it online for all to see doesn’t mean it can’t be an actual diary with all the ramblings and honesty a diary entails. With a little holding back… But I’d like to get to the point where I don’t hold back. I wanna write it all out and process in a totally messy way. While I’d love to always be poetic and inspirational that just isn’t reality. I’ve really struggled with writing and keeping a journal the past couple of years anyway so maybe writing just to write will help get my thoughts flowing. We live in the damn substack era for writing on the internet. I come from the live journal era where we just bitched for all our online friends to see. While I do think there’s a major need for intellectualism in the era of short form “brain rot”, I also don’t care about being pretentious or stopping myself from writing all together just because it isn’t some earth shattering and thoughtful commentary.

I DO think I would benefit from more intentional writing though. But consider this me flexing my brain muscle and inner monologue. Every time I have a great idea for something I really want to write about my brain bings to the next thing. It’s like a god damn TikTok algorithm in my brain. For the first time in my life I’ve wondered if I have ADHD but I never really fit those boxes growing up. Not till smart phones. I think they say you can’t develop ADHD but – like – has a study actually been done on that after the emergence of smart phones? My brain feels totally rewired.

Well, I got a new computer! With money I don’t have of course but it feels really magical having a desktop again. An intentional place I can log in and log out. I still have my laptop but I found myself laying in bed and it always being on just like my phone. Here, I have my candles lit and my mind recognizes it’s time to work and not scroll. It makes me happy. I think it will be a good step in doing some more positive rewiring and finally accomplishing a lot of the plans I set out for myself. That’s my whole current personal revolution too. Being more intentional. Making the internet a place again. Logging in and logging off.

Honestly, I’ll probably delete these first couple of entries. This is just practice and help with filling up my design for the diary page. I do think being more intentional is key. But with a messy balance. We’ll see. Logging off.